For a second I didn’t know what it was,
and then I realised and I bellowed
and I sailed through the lights laughing,
near blind, tears streaking the muck
on my cheeks as the road fogged
and the blacks and whites swam and cuddled and kissed,
and it felt like the first spoonful of steaming stew
and crusty buttered bread of country lane winter,

like churned up mud and chocolate milk puddles
and the tiny flowers that grow in grass,
haven’t you seen them? Look –

and it felt like not being guilty and not being blamed
and I saw death like a lamppost
and red became green
and I laughed
and I laughed
deaf to the sirens
and death to job
I knew my family
loved me
wherever I was