MY TROUBLED MIND

confessions are self-serving

Tag: reflection

These Days

These days
I hurry to keep myself in sight.

Profile glances into restaurant windows
often whisper me warnings.
Ripples and slashes
I recognise only in passing
as slithers of a stranger’s sadness.
Half bald, quarter mad,
jaw taut as a mandolin string
I plod in heavy step
up and down streets
in a new town.

Rubbish sloshes out of bags,
gulls flick their heads
in a practised way
and work on the innards.

Not patient,
but simply enjoying the stasis,
I close my eyes
as I wait for the red light.

Severe Weather Warning

Our burdens crackle off our backs
like claps of thunder over wheat silver to the moon,
patterns of stem floundering like puppet arms
or the arms of the drowning, drowning, drowned.

You hear them hidden everywhere,
quiet booms of guilt and debt
like beating hearts and busy heads
it’s common, common ground.

We don’t have to weather storms back West,
lightning’ll smack an evening like a bedroom whip; god
it’s exciting to see everything in white,
to feel something unexpected.

The sea, wind, dripping leaves tick ticking, nothing
but motifs you always turn to
from a safe and sandless spot,
your only predator yourself.

CHECKMATE

Playing chess;
I feel human, in the animal sense,
I feel my tendons grinding and stretching-
I am predictable, my pupils dilate
and my brow tingles-
I feel consciousness, I feel behind myself
watching my brain in flesh.
I see my brain for what it is-
an underused muscle, twitching
and twerking to a thud thud thud
and when I play chess
my apish fingers knock together, my arrogance exposed-
there’s hair on my knuckles,
my jewellery feels heavy, pointless
as all the sneers I ever sneered,
futile as the faces I show the mirror
in quest of my “most attractive angle”-
I am hollow as the last smart remark
I squawked
alone
and my King is trapped.