MY TROUBLED MIND

confessions are self-serving

Tag: universe

Charlie and the universe

And of course poor old Charlie full moon-eyed
and ten thousand years sad
always spalooging around crying out
into just empty tobacco pouches,
and falling asleep on sofas like some heavy-headed grandmother,
and ferreting away this or that charm
or knick knack like food in hamster cheek,
or squirrel with acorn in winter ground –
her and her little sacrosanct plants
against the whole damn universe
trying to make a go of it.

Self-hatred ebbs away like pus out boil,
it’s OK, it’s OK –
life is such a piece of cream pie
once you realise
you only have to breathe
and occasionally
smile.

 


Charlie Lindsay is an artist with big brown eyes and you can find her here

Understanding Politics

Freedom is a word, nothing more,
some vagueness we gather
from grainless remastered photographs,
from movies, movies, billion dollar movies,
from fallen walls streaked with graffiti,
from balaclava clad strangers
who squint at us from tunnel time
until we glance away ashamed.

I watch gulls float overhead like simple ideas
stretched and sweated under the old moon,
transformed into howling savage things,
terrifying innocent interested enquirers
into quivering dumb dumbs
too afraid to ask
what everybody is wondering.

As infants our instincts taught us
to grip reflexively when something comes close enough to trap,
now concepts grow to unimaginable magnitude
and I’m left feeling as alone
as the first man to know the heavens
are not really heavens

at all, but an endless empty concert hall
where torrents of tiny giants clutter
The Dark Floor
as uncountable confetti strands
left like melancholy mementos
of a fantastically important party.

 

I’m more concerned with

whether or not I’m a good lover.
I’m more concerned
with whether or not I’m a good friend.
I’m more concerned
with whether or not I’m a good brother.
I’m more concerned
with whether or not I’m a good son.
I’m more concerned
with trying to keep my shoulders back.
I’m more concerned
with going bald.
I’m more concerned
with not drinking too much.
I’m more concerned
with not taking too many drugs.
I’m more concerned
with not having a ‘proper job’.
I’m more concerned
with not having any job.
I’m more concerned
with making my parents believe I feel alright.
I’m more concerned
with how the boundaries of the universe expand.
I’m more concerned
with how multi-verses might exist.
I’m more concerned
with how, if multi-verses might exist, then multiple multi-verses might exist.
I’m more concerned
with what to make of all that dark.
I’m more concerned
with how God died quietly two centuries ago and business has continued as usual.
I’m more concerned
with whether the other side of a motorbike exists when I can’t see it.
I’m more concerned
with many perplexing things.
I’m more concerned
with producing any work of merit during my stay on earth.
I’m more concerned
with the knowledge that this poem holds no merit.
I’m more concerned
with the letter from the student loan company asking if I’m making any money yet.
I’m more concerned
with not succumbing to junk food.
I’m more concerned
with sticking to the speed limit.
I’m more concerned
with learning how to imitate the ease I read in the face of every other species.
I’m more concerned
with learning how to listen to other people’s views, whether I agree with them or not.
I’m more concerned
with coming to an understanding.
I’m more concerned
with not being a bad loser.
I’m more concerned
with listening to Stephen Fry’s voice.
I’m more concerned
with listening to Leonard Cohen’s voice.
I’m more concerned
with listening to Neil deGrasse Tyson’s voice.
I’m more concerned
with listening to beautiful voices everywhere.
I’m more concerned
with looking at beautiful faces everywhere.
I’m more concerned
with knowing that ugly faces are beautiful everywhere.
I’m more concerned
with knowing one man’s waste is another man’s soap.
I’m more concerned
with crediting that line to MF DOOM
I’m more concerned
with the need to sum it up.

I’m more concerned
with any and every neuron firing
in an infinity of combinations of memory and experience
in the incredible underrated untapped untouched sleep-quiet might
of the human brain

than I am concerned
about

the colour of your skin.